Explaining death to a young child
For many adults, especially those who hang on to dear life, squeezing the most they can get out of it, death is a tragic and sad ending. The interpretation of death varies from culture to culture, religions included. It can range from being solenm and sad to being a fiesta, as we sometimes witness in our culture.
A typical person “wake” is a gathering of long lost friends and relatives, staying on till late in the evening to chat and eat. The loss of a loved one does not seem so painful because of this support system we call dam qyan. It can also become a festive atmosphere when tables are set up for “mahjong” or some other betting game. In one popular local film, a scene at the cemetery showed the members of a family grinning for a photo session, and beside them was the coffe raised so that the departed could be seen too. It is comical. But do children see death this way?
What does the child experience when he or she is carried over the casket, in the belief that the dead will not return to haunt the living? This is sometimes surprising or even frightening to the child. Do parents explain why this is done, or are they too absorbed in carrying on the traditionto even think about how the child will react? Oftentimes adults find it difficult to talk about death and what it means to them. Young children can understand difficult topics such as death especially if their homes encourage open discussions. When a parent tells the child to keep quiet and not talk about death (or about sex or pregnancy, for that matter) then the child is left in limbo, not understanding what this phase of life is all about. Then the child seeks answers from others and more likely than not, the information given is incorrect. It is better that they learn about these important issues from their parents.